Don’t take chances with children – Guyana Chronicle

PARENTS, it is your duty to keep children safe from abuse! You can do this by anticipating and avoiding areas and situations where dangerous incidents may occur. Sometimes danger arises in the very place where adults believe children are safe. Therefore, nothing should be taken for granted; parents need to be astute, alert and aware of who interacts with their children and for which purpose.

It wasn’t until a young boy reached manhood that he found the courage to tell his parents about the sexual abuse he suffered during his teenage years. After a short illness, the perpetrator succumbed but was praised by colleagues and those who knew him as a good and respectable person. However, the young man had details to the contrary.

During his adolescence, the boy’s parents were in awe of his music teacher, who enjoyed the family’s friendship and occasional hospitality. As a trusted community member, everyone respected and spoke highly of the maestro within their midst and his effective teaching methods. They sent their son to his studio for weekly lessons and were happy with the progress he made – oblivious to the fact that the teacher was building a ‘special’ friendship with their naïve and vulnerable son.

In adulthood, when the boy, who is now a man, opened up to them, explaining that the teacher first won his trust and then, over time, lured him into a seedy world of sexual transgression. It was hard for them to accept, and much lamentation and sleepless nights followed for the family as they came to grips with the truth. It was difficult for their son to bring up the past, knowing that nothing could alter it, and painful for him to relive the memories in his parents’ presence. But he was resilient and felt it was right to share the facts with his loved ones.

After the initial shock wore off, and tears, embraces of sorrow and reassurance subsided, his parents asked why he did not say anything when the abuse first happened. The son explained that he did not know it was abuse; his young mind trusted the teacher entirely. He believed when the teacher told him their friendship was unique.

The boy in him could not pinpoint when the sordid relationship became physical because it was subtle and calculated. However, he recalled his despair and misery as a misfit adolescent. There was no one to turn to when he needed a friend to rely upon and trust – or someone he could relate to; in whom he could confide.

His father was heartbroken; you had me, he sobbed, I was always there for you. Although his parents were around, they did not recognise the stages of his development and the changing roles they should play therein. They lost connection with his growing, fertile mind – his fears, aspirations, desires, anxieties, problems and concerns, and the psychological disconnect became mutual.

The son could see the innocence surrounding his teenage sexuality. The guidance necessary to make informed choices was not available to him. He thought the ritual with his music teacher was acceptable conduct until a fellow student complained about excessive touching. In time, whispers and rumours were made, then quickly hushed and dispelled over the years to uphold the community.

The parents continued to examine where they might have gone wrong, searching for any past red flags they overlooked, but could not find any pertinent signs. Their son explained that he did not blame them; they did the best they could with their knowledge. Although in their ignorance, they were oblivious to the thought of a respected person being a sexual fiend.

Their son told them he classed himself as one of the lucky ones. His research, qualifications and role as a senior social worker helped him analyse his childhood and come to terms with the exploitation that befell him – he refused to live in the past. Where he is now and where he will aspire is all that matters. His career is his saving grace; he helps youngsters to find themselves daily and recognise their strengths and purposes. He also supports parents in reconnecting with their children.

Parents cannot be around their children 24/7 (school, clubs, parties, outings and other social events) – they have no choice but to rely on the sensible conduct and the acceptable behaviour they teach at home to safeguard their offspring from harm. Without proper guidance, supervision and attention from caring adults, children’s minds grow curious. They may take advice from their peers, learn sleazy behaviour from the wrong people or on the internet- growing children need direction from trustworthy adults.

Children behave differently around their peers and when trying to impress others. But positive mannerisms and customs learnt at home will remain at the core of their decision-making and help them make informed choices; rather than feel pressured by their friends or unforeseen tense situations.

Adults need to explain to Tweens (10- 13 years old) the changes to their bodies during puberty. During this transition, issues relating to sexuality, abstinence, contraception and proper conduct are equally poignant factors to discuss in a child-appropriate fashion. Parents must remember to address their children’s emotional, physical and psychological health as the need arises by asking questions, taking an interest and being aware of their social and moral development. Children are multi-dimensional and not always as parents surmise.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY